Today I was sick. Not just the I'm tired and don't want to do any thing kind of sick, the don't touch or look or ask me to move kind of sick. At 3 a.m. as I am laying in bed realizing I am not going to be able to kick this by morning. I know I have a loong day ahead of me. So what do you do as a mother who knows your going to have to take care of children all day feeling as though you may indeed pass out and throw up at any moment...absolutely nothing. I am here to tell you if you are contemplating having children, remember you get no sick days. Sucking it up and dealing with it as best as you can is all you got but nobody says you gotta like it. Nope I hate it, I hate days like this your can't lay in bed and get better, nope you get to change diapers and make food all while keeping the puke bucket close at hand. I feel however that letting my kids go stark naked all while eating pop tarts, Popsicles, dry cereal, anything that they can feed themselves and have little cleanup as possible is not a problem. I can after all supervise them from the couch and open my eyes only if I hear a loud bang and cry afterword...no blood...there fine just shake it off. I occupied most of my time on the couch and without much effort my kids survived the day. I did stand long enough to make some dinner but that's about it. My house on the other hand looks a little trailorish but, eh, tomorrow is another day. So to all you sick moms who just have to deal with it I just want you to know I'm sorry. Really, really. sorry.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Addison first day of Preschool
August 29.2011
Addison was so excited for her second year of Preschool. She loves her teacher Miss. Heather and has so much fun playing with all her classmates. She especially loves to play with her good friend Jaycee Call they are so lucky to be able to go to Preschool together.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Cancer sucks!!
Today we met with the Oncologist for my mom. An Oncologist is a doctor that specializes in the treatment of cancer. While we were waiting for her to come in and talk to us I was thinking that she would have the worst and the best job in the world. To give someone what may be the most devastating news they have ever had and then to tell someone else the best news they have ever heard, I can't imagine the drain that would be on your energy. You would need have a very strong soul.
We were going to get the results of her PET scan. A PET scan is used to revel the presence and severity of cancer. They found that the cancer thankfully has not spread to any of her other major organs. That helps put a more positive outlook on that general diagnosis. However, they did find a lump in her other breast. ARE YA KIDDING ME. I just don't know how I feel about this, how in the HELL could she have breast cancer along with the cancer already in her bones. They are pretty sure that the cancer in her bones is breast cancer but the Dr. said that it would be unlikely that the cancer in her other breast is the same cancer that is in this breast. WHAT??? So you can get two different cancers in each breast AND not only that but when my mom had cancer in her breast the last time that was TWO different cancers then. WHAT THE HELL!!
Alright so now we are faced with yet again more testing and waiting......and waiting......and waiting. Then probably more testing and waiting. Because the cancer might be a new type then she will probably have to do chemo. MAN, that makes me so angry. The doctor said they hope it is small enough that they can do a lumpectomy and that would be great because I don't think getting a mastectomy is something my mom is very willing to do.
We were going to get the results of her PET scan. A PET scan is used to revel the presence and severity of cancer. They found that the cancer thankfully has not spread to any of her other major organs. That helps put a more positive outlook on that general diagnosis. However, they did find a lump in her other breast. ARE YA KIDDING ME. I just don't know how I feel about this, how in the HELL could she have breast cancer along with the cancer already in her bones. They are pretty sure that the cancer in her bones is breast cancer but the Dr. said that it would be unlikely that the cancer in her other breast is the same cancer that is in this breast. WHAT??? So you can get two different cancers in each breast AND not only that but when my mom had cancer in her breast the last time that was TWO different cancers then. WHAT THE HELL!!
Alright so now we are faced with yet again more testing and waiting......and waiting......and waiting. Then probably more testing and waiting. Because the cancer might be a new type then she will probably have to do chemo. MAN, that makes me so angry. The doctor said they hope it is small enough that they can do a lumpectomy and that would be great because I don't think getting a mastectomy is something my mom is very willing to do.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Lulu AKA Elivia
Since I didn't keep my blog updated through the first year of Elivia's life here are some random pics that I love
Daddy is starting them early.
Chill'n at the pool. Look at those arms compliments of the Michelin Man.
T he super cute Pebbles T-shirt that my cousin bought for her.
CHEESE!!! |
| mmmmm, food. My favorite time of day. |
This hog Byron picked up at the dump. Can you believe someone would leave this there!!!! It looks brand new and works great too! All we had to do was charge it.
This was the day that Elivia figured out how to get into the sitting position in her crib.
She's brilliant
Elivia was really sick in this picture. The poor thing looks like she is trying to put
a good face on for the camera
Temper tantrums are starting early with this one.
.
.
.
Then
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.
.
MOOD SWING
Such a sweet little cupcake when she wants to be.
Happy Halloween
Splish Splash I was taking a bath
All Done.
Sh*ts about to get weird.
I have had this overwhelming feeling that I need to pierce or tattoo something on my body. I was thinking this the other day as my heart felt like it was going to pop any moment from the anxiety that I get when my mind starts to run. I have never had a desire to do things that may draw attention to myself but in light of the current situations I am dealing with and seem to have no control over, I feel it may release some pressure. Why do I feel I should deal with it this way? I have no idea but somehow a nice nose ring or skull and cross bones on my butt just seems to fit the way I am feeling at this moment.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
...my mouth went numb
Its been seven years I thought, seven years how could this happen again. I am not ready for this to happen again. The sadness started to seep in as I realized what I was just told, my moms cancer is back and this time its in her bones.
Spring of '04 was when it first started. My mom had a lump in her breast and after what seemed like a century we found out it was indeed cancerous. The frightening "C" word every person dreads and now its attached its self to one of my family members. One of my most important family members, my mom. Now, as bad as the "C" word is there is something worse then that, as I will come to understand, and that is the waiting. Waiting is torcher. Wait for this test, wait for that test, wait for the surgery, wait for the test to come back from the surgery, wait to see if it has spread. Wait to see how far its spread, wait to see how the treatment will be, wait for the hair to fall out, wait to see if this time she will feel better, wait to see how the next treatment takes, wait to see if the skin will heal. Wait to see if she gets her energy back, wait to see how the next set of test turn out. As I said the waiting is the hardest. Three months, six months, one year, two years.....time went by and the waiting turned into just another day, month, year. Finally 5 years the day that most cancer survivors live for, the five year remission mark. We celebrated, even threw her a big surprise party, she had made it 5 years we were so excited but the funny thing about breast cancer is there is no remission.
Yep, no remission for breast cancer. You could go 3, 5, 8, 25 years and never show any signs that this devil could be hiding in your body just waiting to reappear. So we are still left waiting, waiting for the time when the devil returns and takes another chance to claim her life.
Unfortunately, my day for the wait to end was a few weeks ago when I got "the call". My mom had some pain in her hip for a few months and I was just sure that is was the horrible office chair that she was sitting on at home while she was working. We had a gone on a family trip up to the mountain house, as Addison calls it, and my mom ended up laying in bed crouching in pain. It was so bad she could barley stand. So off to the E.R. they went at 10 p.m. Saturday night where she had more tests and some pain pills and sent home. I didn't give it a second thought I knew she would be fine. It was Tuesday and a work day for me so I was happily working away talking to a client, my phone rang, it was my mom. "They think the cancer is back", she says, "and this time they think its in my bones". My mouth went numb....
Spring of '04 was when it first started. My mom had a lump in her breast and after what seemed like a century we found out it was indeed cancerous. The frightening "C" word every person dreads and now its attached its self to one of my family members. One of my most important family members, my mom. Now, as bad as the "C" word is there is something worse then that, as I will come to understand, and that is the waiting. Waiting is torcher. Wait for this test, wait for that test, wait for the surgery, wait for the test to come back from the surgery, wait to see if it has spread. Wait to see how far its spread, wait to see how the treatment will be, wait for the hair to fall out, wait to see if this time she will feel better, wait to see how the next treatment takes, wait to see if the skin will heal. Wait to see if she gets her energy back, wait to see how the next set of test turn out. As I said the waiting is the hardest. Three months, six months, one year, two years.....time went by and the waiting turned into just another day, month, year. Finally 5 years the day that most cancer survivors live for, the five year remission mark. We celebrated, even threw her a big surprise party, she had made it 5 years we were so excited but the funny thing about breast cancer is there is no remission.
Yep, no remission for breast cancer. You could go 3, 5, 8, 25 years and never show any signs that this devil could be hiding in your body just waiting to reappear. So we are still left waiting, waiting for the time when the devil returns and takes another chance to claim her life.
Unfortunately, my day for the wait to end was a few weeks ago when I got "the call". My mom had some pain in her hip for a few months and I was just sure that is was the horrible office chair that she was sitting on at home while she was working. We had a gone on a family trip up to the mountain house, as Addison calls it, and my mom ended up laying in bed crouching in pain. It was so bad she could barley stand. So off to the E.R. they went at 10 p.m. Saturday night where she had more tests and some pain pills and sent home. I didn't give it a second thought I knew she would be fine. It was Tuesday and a work day for me so I was happily working away talking to a client, my phone rang, it was my mom. "They think the cancer is back", she says, "and this time they think its in my bones". My mouth went numb....
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